Devotionals, shades of graditude and leaving loser ville.

I am always so overwhelmed by the small, wonderful things we have in life. I am reminded of the saying today

"Gratitude consists of being more aware of what you have, than what you don’t. –Unknown"

Days like today, I want to whisk my children and lover off to maybe Nepal, or maybe some quiet part of Thailand. or maybe...a ranch in rural Montana. Or my mind wanders to being in the bustled streets in India. Or just simply, here, in Oklahoma, being more grateful for the things I need not want, already.

Maybe it is due to watching "One day in the Life" (documenting one day, July 24th, 2010 with edited footage from an original, astounding 4000+ minutes, submitted from all over the world)that I am so grateful for the wonderful life i have. I really am blessed. It is astounding how much we so take for granted. I know, it sounds so cliche, but really, life is beautiful.

Recently, I have been blessed with finding a tremendous addition to my life. A best friend. And lover. And amazing one he is at both.
Yes, yes, this is the next chapter, that has closed the files and books on the Chupa saga. Which I have never said before.

I was reminded this morning of how proud you should be, and never ashamed to love, LOVE. To never ever cut love off, or prevent yourself from giving it or receiving it. You know us hedonistic humans, and how if we have been pained before, we do anything we can often, to prevent it from happening again.
But what happens, if you have loved an absent love. And in that absense, the memory has evolved into nothing but fondness, respect, nostalgia, and the wish to replace it someday. What happens, if you remove the bandage that has since healed that small wound underneath, displaying a shiny new cartoonish, bright fuck-me -lipstick red anatomical metaphorical heart, ready to be used again.....and somebody actually picks it, up, spits and polishes it, and asks you if they can hold it for you for a little while.

And an amazing thing happens- you go to tell them no? yes? And the light catches them, and you realize, they respect you. They look at you with adornment and the same look in their eye that your idol and rolemodel in all things romantic, once looked at you many years ago next to a Pacific Northwest campfire, heavy with the smell of pine trees and fresh dirt around you and asked if you would be their girl. And it meant everything to you.

And now, it catches you off guard, for this moment meant more to you than even that one.

And your mind is limber, and sober now, it is free to not be a caged animal. To succumb to mental slavery is to prevent yourself from having all the strength my Lord gave me to be so free and able to go anywhere in my head, and do anything.

I close my eyes now, while my children are at school. the house is quiet, the world is bustling, and although it seems slow as molasses here, in Oklahoma, in the sleepy midwest, and like I have momentarily been left behind, i know it will only be greater and louder and more wonderful because I am loved, I am loved by my children. I am loved by Him. I am loved by my JamJam.

Music seems more distinct today. Food taste sweeter today. Coffee taste bolder today. Pain wasn't as strong today. Emotions ran at an all-time high.

Please, today anyone out there reading this, know there is more good in our small insecure world than bad. Know that if you feel like you have it right now, you do, or will.

As quickly as negative comes, it will go away.It will be replaced by good, the trick is, to notice it, and sieze it.

Dallas, Anticipation, and a ghetto thrift store I dream about

So, it's a little late to be talking about it now, but  I went to Dallas, Texas during my kids' spring break from school. My mum, myself, and the girls took the four hour drive, so that we could get away from this dustbowl we now (against our will) call home. We went mainly for two things; 1. A hotel with an indoor swimming pool for my little mermaids and 2. IKEA/ and or the Outlet mall. I guess that's three things.

The drive up there was four hours. And what a nice drive it was. When we drove there, the sky was tinted the color of a bruise, giving way to periodical showers. My favourite type of weather. We passed through Eufalla, and for fleeting seconds at a time, I could squint out to the horizon, where mini-mountains and rolling hills could magically appear to be driving on Guide Meridian, in Lynden/Bellingham, Washington. I want so badly to be in that landscape again, it makes my bones ache.

Note below, the first picture is Eufala, Oklahoma. The second is Chuckanut Drive, Bellingham WA

It is hard for my Mum and I to even taste reality and confront the idea that we live in a place without so much as a semi-spacious body of water. There are no mountains, hills, evergreens, or misty valleys to admire in Tulsa. You get flat, beige-with-sticks to look at. I remember the first night I ever arrived in Tulsa, it was 3am, and in the morning I went outside and in the sunlight I remember thinking "where did the earthy mountains go?"

Eufala, Oklahoma

Chuckanut Bay/Drive, Washington

When we got to Dallas, we had a pretty good time. We cleaned house at Rue 21, and The Children's Place. As well as IKEA. I took some pretty neat pictures at that ode-to-Sweden-home-decor-store.

fabric banner at IKEA

Family Parking space, at IKEA

Two-Story tall IKEA sign..no seriously, it is

Tired after three hours of lighting fixtures, picture frames and couch cushions, Desi stops to take a well-deserved rest

The ride there and back were actually my favourite parts. We stopped in an old, run down part of Oklahoma, or was it Texas (?)  It all kind of blended together after a while, and I was screaming up and down for my poor Mum (she is the kind of person that does not like going anywhere where people's junk and cars in the yard take up more space on their property than the house) to stop at this thrift store, that I only saw the sign for. She is so sweet, she obliged, but alas, the store was closed. Located on the corner of Decrepit Street, and Ghetto Blvd, it was literally a single wide trailer PACKED to the ceiling of what little treasures I could never even begin to surmise.

So now I dream of it, lol. I would literally be willing to make the three hour drive for nothing but to spend all day going through every basket and bin in that place. Someday, thrift store, someday, I'll be back for you.



Above, the Thrift store sign and the buildings they called neighbors.


So that was our trip to Dallas.



In other news, I get to go see EDDIE VEDDER on April 23!!! At the Brady Theatre, in Tulsa.

The theatre was constructed in 1914, and renovated in 1930 and 1952. Used as a detention center during the infamous Tulsa Race Riots (oh yeah gotta love the midwest) in 1921 and is on the national register of historic places.

The Brady Theatre, formally known as the Tulsa Convention Center

I really don't know what I am more excited about- seeing Eddie Vedder or getting to go with my dear, dear friend, James. Ooh him and I are going to have the most fabulous time ever. I'll be thinking long and hard about which outfit best screams "I-am-a-90s-grunge-child-who-loves-flowers/i-am-trying-to-impress-you". We'll wait and see.

I must say on a parting note- CONGRATS, again, to my amazing friend, Britt Hannowell. Who I have had the pleasure of knowing since I was 14-15 (?) Britt you'll have to give me conformation on that, for sure, for GRADUATING and becoming an RN!!!! You get it girl, you are a wonderful contribution to the human race and I hold my breath for the day we can reunite in my beloved Bellingham!

xo