Sunday, March 20, 2011

Re-rangled into normality, family congruent, false hope ahead

le sigh.

Fucking Oklahoma. I missed it, and I didn't. Been back now for a minutem and yet I don't  and never will understand the lack of creativity, total absense of steampunkers, threadbangers, crafters, artists, musicians, hipsters even. Fuck, at least they give us "un-cool" kids something to look up to LMAO that was a joke. The fact that I have to be pointing out when I go from level orange to level red in sarcasm will mentally give you my geographical location these days I figure.

At least the girls and I are settled, together, for the moment. Nothing here really gives me any idea to be long-term excited. People go through other people like fucking dixie cups down here. They pick you up. They entertain you or vice versa, they want to know you for the night and then not know you again in any miniscule form 'til "next time". I feel like a fucking rag doll.

No one here wants to know the newest fucking SXSW band found this year. Robin Pecknold? His illustrious girlfriend maybe. The female protagonist in "Skinny legs and All", or what you'll be wearing to the Neo-Victorian steampunk exhibition next month. They just want to make small talk and find the quickest route from point A to point B(ed). They'll wipe their hands on your soul if they thought it'd make you cum or go quicker. When boys realize they can ask me to jump into bed with them all they want, but I still say no, they are often never heard from again. Good riddence to bad rubbish.

For two days later, when you're "Better Than Fine" (yes, a waltz lol), and just are inquiring to the how-goes-it of their day, they can't even answer out of what- fear they might have to suspend frivolous conversation and faux caring? I guess.

I talk to a couple people back home, they are all well. Dabbling in the DARK. *Grumbles and mutters obsenities under breath* They'll all kill themselves on it before I return. They'llhave terrible twisting downfalls, with gorgeous young corpses.

Yet, I get one fucking line of positive, eased humor from the infamous NM and I fucking swoon like a damn pubescent idiot. How the fuck did I leave out the instruction manual of how to fuck with my heart around that boy. It was a bad mistake. And yes if I could make you a damn guitar that turned into a chainsaw i.e. Black Keys epic video.... I would have it done already.

I have been drinking bottled water and chugging coffee. Barely smoking. Baking from scratch. Riding bikes with the girls. They're all that matter. Hopefully I will instill in them the importance of self and righteousness and music as an outlet from your soul. maybe they'll grow up to hate music. Play sports. I would find that only fitting honestly. For love is so tepid and would only support anyways.

I am going to Arkansas (hopefully, God Willing, right) this coming weekend. Never been. It will be the farthest East I've ever been. I am such a West Coast girl. I plan on dissecting the 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar, with another soul who admires words and other linguist's potions. Making some spats and finishing my corset with the cog-and-gear tapestry pattern. Time to dust off the ol' top hat.

But yes, I am back in Oklahoma. Girls and I under same roof, as should be. Expecting turbulence and warmer weather than Seattle.


  1. Glad to see a new blog post :) Starting to feel a little better (physically)? I can't tell ya how much I wish I could teleport over to see you and the girls for a few hours, or something. Riding bikes, baking...sounds like heaven. We are a tad colder up here, but we had the "supermoon" last night, and WOW was it big...Arkansas sounds fun, what is this dictionary of which you speak? All of my best to Desi and Madeline, and take care of yourself okay? God bless and know I will always care for you immensely...<8

  2. Ah, my baby doll... I am sorry Oklahomo lacks the steampunk and the art and the finer things in life that most hicks know little of! BUT I am glad you are back with your girls- I only wish that you find a healthy middle ground for you, a place with the foodstuff that feeds your soul as well as your body.