Friday, April 13, 2012

Devotionals, shades of graditude and leaving loser ville.

I am always so overwhelmed by the small, wonderful things we have in life. I am reminded of the saying today

"Gratitude consists of being more aware of what you have, than what you don’t. –Unknown"

Days like today, I want to whisk my children and lover off to maybe Nepal, or maybe some quiet part of Thailand. or maybe...a ranch in rural Montana. Or my mind wanders to being in the bustled streets in India. Or just simply, here, in Oklahoma, being more grateful for the things I need not want, already.

Maybe it is due to watching "One day in the Life" (documenting one day, July 24th, 2010 with edited footage from an original, astounding 4000+ minutes, submitted from all over the world)that I am so grateful for the wonderful life i have. I really am blessed. It is astounding how much we so take for granted. I know, it sounds so cliche, but really, life is beautiful.

Recently, I have been blessed with finding a tremendous addition to my life. A best friend. And lover. And amazing one he is at both.
Yes, yes, this is the next chapter, that has closed the files and books on the Chupa saga. Which I have never said before.

I was reminded this morning of how proud you should be, and never ashamed to love, LOVE. To never ever cut love off, or prevent yourself from giving it or receiving it. You know us hedonistic humans, and how if we have been pained before, we do anything we can often, to prevent it from happening again.
But what happens, if you have loved an absent love. And in that absense, the memory has evolved into nothing but fondness, respect, nostalgia, and the wish to replace it someday. What happens, if you remove the bandage that has since healed that small wound underneath, displaying a shiny new cartoonish, bright fuck-me -lipstick red anatomical metaphorical heart, ready to be used again.....and somebody actually picks it, up, spits and polishes it, and asks you if they can hold it for you for a little while.

And an amazing thing happens- you go to tell them no? yes? And the light catches them, and you realize, they respect you. They look at you with adornment and the same look in their eye that your idol and rolemodel in all things romantic, once looked at you many years ago next to a Pacific Northwest campfire, heavy with the smell of pine trees and fresh dirt around you and asked if you would be their girl. And it meant everything to you.

And now, it catches you off guard, for this moment meant more to you than even that one.

And your mind is limber, and sober now, it is free to not be a caged animal. To succumb to mental slavery is to prevent yourself from having all the strength my Lord gave me to be so free and able to go anywhere in my head, and do anything.

I close my eyes now, while my children are at school. the house is quiet, the world is bustling, and although it seems slow as molasses here, in Oklahoma, in the sleepy midwest, and like I have momentarily been left behind, i know it will only be greater and louder and more wonderful because I am loved, I am loved by my children. I am loved by Him. I am loved by my JamJam.

Music seems more distinct today. Food taste sweeter today. Coffee taste bolder today. Pain wasn't as strong today. Emotions ran at an all-time high.

Please, today anyone out there reading this, know there is more good in our small insecure world than bad. Know that if you feel like you have it right now, you do, or will.

As quickly as negative comes, it will go away.It will be replaced by good, the trick is, to notice it, and sieze it.

1 comment:

  1. jenna you are like a wise old soul! to have been through so much and identify all of it! you have wisdom beyond your years!